I know what you're all thinking, "Lord, here come all the ridiculous puns about the Irish." Or some of you may think, "Who are you kidding? I don't need a pointless holiday to tell me how drunk I can get (or need to be)!" Well you know what? When I stumble across you lying naked in a gutter, your entire body painted green and you start in with the chorus of 'Danny Boy' or 'Rocky Road To Dublin,' you know what I'm going to say to you? I'm gonna say… well, absolutely nothing. Chances are I'll be lying right next to you, vomiting up corn beef and cabbage.
And I bet some doubters think that this can't possibly qualify as the drunkest day of the year. I myself have yet to pass a Christmas without downing the obligatory liter or two of peppermint schnapps.
But how can any other day hope to contest with the level of debauchery that comes hand in hand with Cube, Funk U, Karaoke Dokey, and DJ PeanutButter kicking it up a decade from the last party and busting out all that gangster ass 90s music you grew up on?
And if that doesn't tickle your shamrocks, how about 5,000 WON GUINNESS UNTIL WE RUN OUT? OR SPECIAL SPONTANEOUS HAPPY HOURS? And of course, little treats for those who wear green. You know Mr. Kim, he always has a pot of gold at the end of his rainbow.